Reds Fever Ray

2005-03-21T09:24:00.000-08:00

By Reds Fever Ray

Since this here is the firstest time I ever talked with all yous blogger people I is guessin I should start by tellin yous jest who the heck I is anyhow.

My God’s-given name placed on me direct like by my Momma and Daddy when I was borned is Raymond Ulysses Lee Beauregard Sherman Fortenlotter.

Now I knows that there’s a whole big mouthful of talking to do, so you all kin jest call me by the name I is knowed by back home where I was borned and grewed up and lived till jest not to awful long ago, and that there is Reds Fever Ray.

If in you guest I is a big Cincinnati Redlegs baseball fan and that there’s why they calls me Reds Fever Ray, I reckin that makes you pretty by golly smart in my book of knowin bout things.

And any of you alls that also a figured out that I was the co-habituation product of one of them there North and South mixed marriages, well Reds Fever Ray is mightly impressed with yous too.

I is a figurin that by now all of you is a wonderin jest what the heck this old Reds Fever Ray fella is doing writen this here blogger thing, so whys doesn’t you jest sit back and I’ll a tells you all about it.

It all started like this here.

You see last summer while they was a puttin on the Clifton County Fair back home old Reds Fever Ray went and got his self all famous like by winnin one of them there Elvis the King Presley look alike promotion contests.

And you ain’t a gonna believe this but the grand winnin prize was that they would sent my own hunk o burnin love self and three other people of my choosin on one of them there all expensive paid weekend trips to any place in this here continual United States of America.

Sincin my all time best favorite thing in this whole big wide world is my Redlegs team, I teld them there contest people why they could jest send me and my family straight right to Cincinnati so I could eye witness and in personal like watch a Redlegs game in that there new baseball playin place they calls the Great American Ballpark.

So me and Nadine who is my wife and our boy Augie and his granny Momma Carter got ourselfs on one of them there big flyin airplanes and quick as a whistle we was here and got to see my Redlegs play for a whole entire weekend series agin that club from Pittsburgh they call the Pirates.

My oh my but it sure as heck was more fun than watchin two hogs a wallerin in the mud exceptin that my Redlegs went and got themself beat all three times whiles we was a watchin them try to play.

Now I is a hoping I ain’t a countin my chickens before theys hatched and all but old Reds Fever Ray is a thinking his Redlegs is a gonna do a lots gooder this go round.

Whys with all them there good new players they hired while it was a snowin all mixed in like sausage gravy and grits with them fellas from last year whys I is already startin to get playoff hot spots.

And I jest knows if in there’s anything a tall rightual in this here world we is a livin in that there nice fella Mister Ken Griffey Junior is a gonna stays healthy and not get hurt not even one time this baseball year. And Mister Adam Dunn is for surely not a gonna be a swingin right through as much of that there air we’s a breathing and will be a making more contracts with the baseball in this here 2005 baseball season.

Course add Mister Sean Casey who is a more nicer than a room full of Sunday school teachers and a feeling better Austin Kearns then why old Reds Fever Ray can’t see hows his Redlegs ain’t a gonna be like molasses and right in the thick of things this here year we’s a bout to start commemorating with.

But Reds Fever Ray gots to be honest and all about one thing that’s for sure cause I jest don’t undertake why’s Mister Redlegs his own self Barry Larkin ain’t got no more job here.

I knowed and all that maybe it might a been time for Mister Barry not to be a playin no more, but Reds Fever Ray is thinkin its jest down right silly he ain’t a gonna be one of them there frontline office people right here in this Cincinnati city where he belongs.

I knows Reds Fever Ray ain’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but sometimes I believes them people runnin my Redlegs couldn’t boil water without scorchin it.

Wells I guessin I gots a little side tackled there, but like I was gettin ready to say before, me and Nadine and Augie had so much fun while we’s was visitin this here place with and a eye ballin first hand my Redlegs, why when we gots back home we went and decided we was jest gonna up and moved right here to the Queen City.

Now Momma Carter, that there’s Nadine’s momma, she’s a whole nother kettle of fish and jest tween us she’s crazier than a runned over dog, and she didn’t none like the idea of all of us movin up here.

But sincin she’s been a livin with us forever and one day and ain’t got no job of her own and has to stay with us or go back at home and live with her friend Miss Franchester that she don’t like none to good anyhow, well old Reds Fever Ray figured Momma Carter could jest like it or lump it.

So me and Nadine and Augie and Momma Carter is now official like real life big city folks living in one of them there mobile home parks located right here in Cincinnati Ohio. Why heck if I a lying, but we’s jest about a close to where my Redlegs plays their baseball as a preacher is to his Sunday collection plate.

So that right there is how Reds Fever Ray got here and all.

And causen anybody that’s everybody whose got much at all goin on up their stairs knows full well that Reds Fever Fay is about the biggest Redlegs fan there is on the face of this here world, I a figured might jest as well a start a writin this here blogger thing all about my Redlegs for all you peoples to consummate on.

Now I wants you all to know I sure ain’t no professional kind a reporter like some of them there other fellas righten bout baseball, but old Reds Fever Ray can make a promise to you one thing and that there is he will a be tellin you all the things jest like he is a seeing them when it a comes to his Redlegs.

So hey for now to all my fella Redlegs fans and you kin jest count on old Reds Fever Ray a bein here and lettin yous knows about alls the insides and scoops of things a goin on with his Cincinnati Redlegs.